


Say You'll Never Let Me Go

by Slsheeba567



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Blow Jobs, Bottom Cas, Castiel (Supernatural) Works at Gas-N-Sip, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dry Humping, Episode: s09e06 Heaven Can't Wait, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, Loosely based on, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Purgatory, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Sharing a Bed, Smut, These dumb idiots and their love will kill me, Top Dean, Workplace Sex, oh so much angst, switching POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-06 23:35:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10347111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slsheeba567/pseuds/Slsheeba567
Summary: “He must hate me.”Those are the words running through his mind as soon as Dean kicks him out of the bunker. There was no other explanation. Maybe Dean finally realized he could never forgive him for all of the terrible things he had done. He knew better than to think he deserved to stay with the Winchesters after his short reign of terror as the “new god.”A small part of him is furious.Furious that after all of the things he’d done for Dean, the man couldn’t even be bothered to let him stay after being ripped from his grace, and made human.“So much for family.” A tiny, bitter part of his brain supplies.Mostly he’s just confused. And scared. And so, very, very cold."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was just re-watching Heaven Can't Wait the other day, and the part where Cas sees Dean again after being kicked out of the bunker was just begging to be written into an angsty fic tbh. Also, Jensen's flirty expressions and Misha's blush in those scenes were A++. 10/10.

_“He must hate me.”_

 

Those are the words running through his mind as soon as Dean kicks him out of the bunker. There was no other explanation. Maybe Dean finally realized he could never forgive him for all of the terrible things he had done. He knew better than to think he deserved to stay with the Winchesters after his short reign of terror as the “new god.”

 

A small part of him is furious.

 

Furious that after all of the things he’d done for Dean, the man couldn’t even be bothered to let him stay after being ripped from his grace, and made human.

 

_“So much for family.”_ A tiny, bitter part of his brain supplies.

 

Mostly he’s just confused. And scared. And so, very, very cold.

 

Castiel shivers as he stands outside the nondescript Gas-N-Sip. His light sweatshirt just barely offered any type of insulation, and it was already getting dark out, the sun setting after a long day.

 

He hears the clack of boots against pavement, and doesn’t look up when said shoes stop in front of him.

 

“Hey. Hey, you.”

 

He slowly looks up to see an elderly, snugly dressed man in a denim jacket.

 

“Look kid, it’s freezing out here, and I’ve seen you sitting outside my building for 3 days straight now. God, just looking at you makes me feel cold. I’ve been where you’ve been, and I know it’s not so fun. What’s your name?”

 

Wracking his brain for the most common name he’s heard on his time on earth so far, he quickly tries to pick one before the old man gets irritated and leaves.

 

Not quickly enough apparently, because he can see the man shuffle awkwardly as he waits for an answer. He even managed to mess this simple task of choosing a name up.

 

“Steve” Cas whispers, the word barely making it through his chapped lips.

 

“Well, Steve, I know I don’t know you, but you seem like a good man, and I need a new cashier anyways. Linda up and left as soon as she got that job at Hooters, and it’s killing me seeing you sitting out here every day. What do you say?”

 

Wrapping his arms around himself, he considers the offer. He knew it’d be foolish to not take it at this point, and with no home, no food, and no money, he doesn’t know what else to do. Perhaps that’s what moves him to let out a gruff sounding “Yes”, coupled with a tight nod.

 

The man smiles, and says, “Great! Your shift starts at 2:00 tomorrow. Don’t be late.”

 

He thinks, perhaps, for a brief second, that maybe this world isn’t so cruel after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taking a swig of beer, Dean scrolled through his contacts list on his phone, stopping in the C area. Immediate guilt washed over him like a tidal wave, as his thumb paused over “Castiel.”

 

Dude probably didn’t even want to talk to him after their last conversation. And who blamed him? He basically just pushed Cas away when he needed Dean the most, and didn’t even give him a good explanation why.

 

Of course he couldn’t tell Cas about Zeke. And he couldn’t let him stay either. This was his brother’s life on the line, and he wasn’t going to risk it.

 

At least that’s what his mind tried to tell him. Even though he knew he was doing the hard, but right choice, it didn’t feel so right.

 

After nearly saving Cas from that reaper, he thought for a second that things might be starting to look up for him for once. But sure enough, Dean, true to form, fucked things up.

 

As usual.

 

Exhaling as he stared at Cas’s number, he chastised himself for being so nervous to call Cas. What was he, a teenage girl about to talk to her crush?

 

Shaking his head, Dean quickly tapped the “call” button before he could change his mind, and willed his pounding heart to stop beating so goddamn fast.

 

“Dean.”

 

Of course that was the first thing Cas said to him.

 

“Cas.” He said, clearing his throat awkwardly.

 

“Why are you calling me?” Cas said, almost coldly.

 

“I-I just, mi-was wondering how you’re doing?”

 

Dean seriously wanted to smack himself in the face at this point. Why did he think this would be a good idea?

 

He could hear some kind of machine whirring in the background as Cas paused before saying, “Okay,” softly.

 

Rubbing a hand over his face, Dean worriedly asked, “Are you though?”

 

He heard Cas sigh almost wistfully, and say, “I got a job. So at the very least, I’m not homeless anymore. I suppose that would qualify as ‘okay’.” He could practically see Cas make the air quotations.

 

Dread coiled up in his stomach like a venomous snake as soon as he heard Cas utter the words, “homeless.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Another silence emerged, this one longer than the last, as Dean took another nervous swig of his beer.

 

Finally, Cas broke it by saying, “I have to go. My shift is starting.” The line detached with a click, and Dean took a deep breath, hanging up the phone.

 

He’d clearly ruined things forever between them.

 

Grabbing the beer off the table, he threw it as hard as he could across the other side of the room, before stomping out of the room, willing the sudden tears in his eyes to stop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If Castiel could say anything positive about Gas-N-Sip, it’s that it was incredibly predictable.

 

He would show up at 2:00, man the cash register, occasionally file some shelves, and smile, saying “Have a nice day.”

 

Repeat this until a couple of hours passed, and there was his day in a nutshell.

 

It was safe. Reliable. Consistent.

 

Until Dean called him.

 

It baffled Castiel beyond words. If Dean really wanted to make sure he was okay, why didn’t he just let Cas stay at the bunker with him?

 

It made no sense, and the more time Castiel pondered on the subject, the less and less he understood the situation.

 

Most of all, it made him hurt immensely. Hearing Dean’s familiar, warm voice, the way the other man said his name, it made him feel almost safe for a second, before he remembered how their last encounter went, and then everything started hurting all over again.

 

It had been 3 days since his conversation with Dean over the phone, and the words, _“I’m sorry,”_ repeated over and over in his head like a chiming clock.

 

Breaking himself out of his thoughts, he rung up the last customer of the day, giving a forced smile, and his signature, “Have a nice day.”

 

After arranging the register, and grabbing his coat, he began the walk to his motel room, shivering at the darkness of the sky.

 

It made him long for heaven, and for his lost brothers and sisters.

 

Funny how he’d ended up giving everything for the Winchesters, in return leaving his siblings behind, only for the Winchesters to abandon him too.

 

He’d ended up with nothing and nobody.

 

Grabbing his room key, and twisting it in the lock, he stepped into the musty room, shrugging out of his coat, and preparing for bed.

 

As he was brushing his teeth, he faintly heard his phone alerting him of a text message. Spitting the foam out of his mouth, he made his way over to the bed and scanned the message that was sent.

 

Cas felt his stomach drop to his feet, and his breath turn staggering.

 

The message read: _“Cas I misss youu sso mcuh you hvave no idea. Wanted t tel you over the pohne sso bad. I maaade a mistakke. Plaese come backk. I need you. I lo-“_

 

The message cut off before Dean could finish his sentence, although the intent behind those last words were clear.

 

Clearly Dean was in an inebriated state when he sent this message, it doesn’t mean it meant anything, right?

 

Despite these thoughts, his heart pounded faster than a galloping horse. He was gripping the cell phone so hard, he wouldn’t be surprised if it snapped in half from the pressure.

 

Briefly he remembered how soft Dean’s lips were when he kissed them in Purgatory. How beautiful he looked as he lay beneath Castiel, the way his fingers tightly gripped the angel’s hips, as though he never wanted to let go.

 

He’d chalked it up to Dean being lonely, and isolated from anyone else but him and Benny. His own feelings, however, were more than just unfilled desire.

 

He’d even said as much one time, as they’d slinked off to go to “sleep” with Benny safely guarding them a good distance away.

 

They had been gently rubbing against each other by the fire, for once no hurriedness or rush in their movement, only being slow and gentle with each other.

 

He had been on the peak, when the words, _“I love you,”_ found itself past his lips.

 

Dean had merely stared at him in shock for a brief second, before his face contorted in a gorgeous array of pleasure, eyes rolling back in ecstasy as his orgasm hit him full force.

 

They never talked about it again after they escaped.

 

Sure, he knew that Dean, in some way, loved him. He’d said before that they were family, and in Dean’s mind, family was the most respect he could have for a person.

 

He’d just never thought it was in the way he wanted. The way Castiel loved him. Even with all of the fucking they had done in Purgatory, he’d never once thought that Dean might possibly love him back in the Eros sense.

 

For the first time ever, Castiel was starting to doubt that belief.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dean rubbed his eyes irritably as he woke up with the hangover from hell. Getting drunk had been a mistake, but how the fuck else was he supposed to make the thoughts in his head shut up?

 

Flipping back the covers, he reached for his phone, sitting up in interest as he saw that Cas texted him something.

 

_“I miss you too. I think I’ll always need you, Dean.”_

 

Oh. Oh no. He’d done something irreversibly stupid last night, hadn’t he?

 

Scrolling back up the messages, he groaned as he read the text he sent to Cas yesterday night. He couldn’t have made a bigger asshole of himself if he tried.

 

It wasn’t a lie, he did miss Cas, needed Cas, lo-

 

Shaking his head, he stopped that thought before he could finish the sentence.

 

It had all started with Purgatory, really. Sure he’d always thought Cas (well, Jimmy, technically) was attractive, and okay, so what if he stared a little too long sometimes, or slightly lingered whenever they touched? It meant nothing.

 

Until it did.

 

He still remembers their first kiss. It had been an exhausting day, hell, every day was exhausting in Purgatory. Him, Benny, and Cas had been running and fighting monsters until light turned into dark, and their aching limbs couldn’t take anymore. Taking turns throughout the night to guard whoever was sleeping, it was his turn, and he couldn’t stop himself from glancing every so often at Cas’s sleeping face. He looked so peaceful and content, even with them being stuck in that hellhole. He didn’t realize how rarely he ever saw that face, and missed it strongly.

 

He belatedly realized he was doing exactly what he had yelled at Cas for a couple of times, but he didn’t even care how much of a hypocrite he was being.

 

Dean awkwardly shifted away when Cas’s eyes fluttered open and pretended he was scanning the woods for predators.

 

He can still remember how soft Cas’s voice was that night, like he was trying not to scare off some unknown animal. “You don’t have to stop.”

 

“Is that what you’d want? For me not to stop?” Dean’s voice was husky from the cold air, barely a whisper.

 

“No. I want you to kiss me.”

 

There was a good 20 seconds of shocked silence, and in those 20 seconds were all of the feelings he’d had when thinking about guys in his life, the repression, the guilt, the shame, the exhilaration and yearning.

 

But Cas wasn’t Eddie from the bar. Or Henry from the truck-stop bathroom. He was _Cas._ His Cas. The angel, the awkward, yet surprisingly sarcastic angel who had rescued him from hell. Who he’d never thought would end up to be one of the most important people in his life. Who he needed. Who, if he was being honest, wasn’t always regarded with a “brotherly bond” when he was alone and left with just his thoughts at night.

And Dean wanted to kiss him too.

 

The next thing he knew, he was crouching down and cupping Cas’s face, finally bringing their lips together after so long.

 

They were disgustingly dirty, and Cas tasted like soot and ash, but Dean didn’t care, he had been waiting for this for so long, some part of him always wanted this.

 

Somehow he’d ended up on top of Cas and they’d began grinding against each other, panting and gasping into each other’s mouths.

 

Unfortunately at that moment, Benny woke up, and they both sprang apart before the vampire could see them.

 

The next day as they covered more ground, Cas abruptly announced that he needed to speak to Dean in private.

 

Benny looked at them suspiciously, but didn’t have any qualms against the request, merely sitting down next to a tree, gesturing at them to do what they needed to do.

 

They walked a fair distance away, before Cas unceremoniously shoved him against a tree, mashing their mouths together.

 

“Couldn’t stand it. Was waiting all day to kiss you again.” Cas breathed against his mouth as they scrabbled messily at each other.

 

“Yeah, well you certainly weren’t suspicious at all.” Dean grinned as he cupped the back of Cas’s neck, deepening their kiss.

 

“Have to be quick, before Benny comes looking for us.” Cas said, dropping to his knees in front of Dean.

 

Dean merely whimpered as Cas unzipped his pants, shoving his jeans and boxers to the ground.

 

Cas wasted no time, immediately engulfing Dean’s cock in his mouth, until it hit the back of the angel’s throat.

 

Dean had to clamp a hand over his mouth to stop the pornographic noises from spilling out and alerting Benny.

 

It didn’t take long for him to come down Cas’s throat with a muffled moan, and he leaned in for a passionate kiss, moaning when he tasted himself on Cas’s tongue.

 

He quickly got Cas off with his hand, cutting off the loud moan the angel made with a kiss, and wiping Cas’s come off on his jacket after he finished.

 

After that, anytime they were alone they fucked around, making sure not to alert Benny to what was going on. Despite their efforts, Dean was pretty sure the vampire knew, judging by the looks he gave them.

 

He still remembers the night Cas told him he loved him.

 

It was the night he laid awake tossing and turning, and realized he loved Cas back.

 

It scared the shit out of him.

 

This wasn’t some one night stand at a bar, this was his best friend. If he messed it up, things would never be the same between them.

 

And seeing as how Dean always messed things up, he decided not to risk it after they got out.

 

That didn’t mean he still didn’t get the urge to suddenly kiss Cas when he asked him random questions, or fuck him senseless when the angel got too close sometimes (which he was sure the bastard did on purpose now).

 

The point was, he missed Cas, and it was a huge, colossal mistake to kick him out when he was so vulnerable. The last few days he’d been drinking like crazy, and Sam kept looking at him with those damn sympathetic puppy dog eyes.

 

He had to do something to fix it, now, before he drank himself into an irreversible stupor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had been a casual day at work for Cas. Except for one minor incident where a customer clogged the toilet and he had to grab the plunger, (a distasteful incident which Cas swore to himself never to think about again) his day was mildly uneventful.

 

Until about 4:00.

 

He had been about to go on his break, ringing up the last customer with a smile, and a, “Have a nice day,” when suddenly it happened.

 

Dean was there.

 

Standing in line behind the woman.

 

He was sure his face was a mask of utter shock and confusion, but he couldn’t even bring himself to care when Dean stepped closer to the register, a lascivious smirk spreading over his face, that looked downright sinful.

 

It didn’t help matters when Dean completed the whole dirty ensemble with a casual lick to his full lips, the smirk growing wider, knowing exactly what he was doing to the former angel.

 

Suddenly Cas felt extremely self-conscious of the fact that he was wearing a sweater vest.

 

“Hey Cas.” Dean’s voice was a low rasp, that made Cas’s stomach turn upside down.

 

“Dean,” Cas breathed out, “Wha-what are you doing here?”

 

Dean’s confident grin faltered slightly, and he said, “Came to see you. Asked Sam to track your phone. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t stand you being alone a day longer. I made a huge mistake.”

 

Cas swallowed, and willed himself not to look at the hunter, as he collected his thoughts. Dean was here. To see him. To apologize to him.

 

He didn’t know what to say.

 

Finally, after a long silence, he dared to look at Dean again, anticipation and worry written all over the other man’s face.

 

He sighed and asked, “What are you going to do now that you’re here?”

 

That filthy smirk made its way onto Dean’s face once more, and he spoke in a low voice when he said, “Oh, I have a couple of ideas.”

 

 

 

 

 

Cas gasped as Dean pushed into him from behind, feeling the other man lightly nip at his neck.

 

They were in the storage room, Cas bent over one of the food crates, Dean grabbing his hips and fucking him roughly.

 

He didn’t even remember how they got here, but as soon as they stepped foot in the room, Dean dropped to his knees and began eating him out with a mad fervor.

 

Gripping the sides of the crate so hard his knuckles turned white, Cas nearly screamed as Dean pushed even deeper inside of him, finding his prostate.

 

“Shh,” Dean said, pressing a hand against Cas’s mouth to muffle his sounds. “You’re still at work, remember?”

 

Cas could feel Dean grin against his skin. The bastard.

 

Dean began to fuck him faster and faster, his breath becoming incredibly jagged.

 

“Don’t even know how I went 4 months without this. God, Cas. I fucking missed you so much.”

 

“Thought about you every day.” Cas whimpered as Dean’s hand found its way to his hard cock, beginning to stroke him from base to tip.

 

“Me too.” Dean whispered as he felt himself come closer to the edge.

 

“Come for me Cas.” Dean said, biting the back of Cas’s neck gently.

 

Cas came with a muffled shout, slumping onto the crate as he felt Dean come inside his ass.

 

Cas felt Dean slowly slide out of him, turning around to see Dean zipping up his pants, smiling when he was Cas watching him.

 

“What?” Cas asked, tilting his head in that all-too-familiar way.

 

“Nothing. Just…. It’s good to see you, man.”

 

Cas snorted as a laugh escaped him, and soon they were both laughing so hard their stomach’s hurt.

 

After they were finished laughing, Cas wiped his eyes with a grin and said, “I have to get back to work. But…promise you’ll stay?”

 

Dean smiled, eyes gone soft, and said, “Of course I will.”

 

Dean stayed true to his promise, and entertained Cas sufficiently with stories of old hunts while Cas worked the register. His manager didn’t seem to mind the man’s company, saying, “Just do your job and I don’t care.”

 

By the time his shift was over, it was dark outside, and Dean threw an arm over his shoulder as they walked to his motel room.

 

As he brushed his teeth, Dean began changing down to just his shirt and his boxers, and climbing into bed.

 

Turning off the light and climbing into bed beside Dean, Cas turned to face the hunter, who was staring at him.

 

“Remember that time in Purgatory when we were….well, you know, and you told me you loved me?”

 

Cas nodded tightly. How could he forget?

 

“Well, I never took the chance to say that I....I love you too.”

 

Cas merely smiled and shuffled closer to Dean, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him gently as he whispered, “I know, Dean.”

 

It was the best sleep they both had gotten in weeks.

 


End file.
